Friday, June 8, 2018



Anthony Bordain committed Suicide in a very familiar way. 

What The Fuck is going on?

Thursday, May 24, 2018


Today my Little Dragon actually called me Auntiee...which got him lots of love and cuddles. But...when asked what my name was after...."Abba" said through a shit eating grin. 

Gods I love that Little Dragon....True Dragon he be!!!

Tuesday, May 15, 2018



Gods I'm soooo tired of the pain. 
It seems that's felt more than happiness no matter what I do.

Sunday, April 22, 2018



Today was a Fun Day! 
Not many of those the past few years.

I'm so grateful that I was guided were I was and that I listened and trusted
Dear Gods that last one is soooooooooo fuckin hard. Even to guidance that has no reason not to be trusted. 

It's truly hard when you know eyes are upon. But the hell of the past few years is slowly pushing so that eyes or no eyes I do. 

If Hell is gonna happen...why not enjoy the ride?
 
 

Friday, April 20, 2018



From within the darkness what is it you think you see
Do you not know I feel you watching me
The puppet is long dead and never shall she rise
So your silence is a worthless disguise


Ok...here's the Question...

Why the fuck do strangers feel the neeeeeeeeed to talk to me, let alone tell me shit that honestly shouldn't be anybody's business. Well unless Family or Friend.

I go to Trader Joes today (love that store) and there's a chick with petitions. One of which was about Child Trafficking so of course I'm hell yea about it. (You Don't fuckin mess with kids) So...20 mins later I'm able to pack up the groceries, get the kids in their car seats and head home.

I now have the story of her life...I know about her boyfriend, his ex, his son, his daughter and her abusive boyfriend. Where they live etc. etc. fuckin etc. And she gives me her phone number so that we can go out partying sometime. 

Ok...Hummm NO! 

I know people need to talk...but seriously you're giving out your number so that we can chill together???

Not to mention that spiritually it was a Fuck You to me. 
She looked like my Mother, spoke and acted like my Sister and had the name of a childhood friend. And that was on top of other shit right before that.

Some days I just wanta go shopping...that's it. 


Sunday, April 15, 2018




#Qanon ?



We're living in a time where this word exists...

PEDOVORE

How fucked is that? Why can't evil just use itself to feed upon. Why children??? 
I understand the whole charged energy aspect of it (I work with energy)...
but how many of us have to be abused until the shit stops?

I had someone the other day tell me 
"Well why not just don't look/read it and it won't upset you".  

That's the Fuckin point Dumbass. 
The whole turning a blind eye is the reason so many of us are harmed. 

People like to go about their lives worried about their phones, own enjoyment what have ya..Ignoring everything focused on themselves. Never asking questions.

 You don't think we would like to? Those of us who've been abused can't turn a blind eye to ourselves or others of us. Our group isn't fun but we are bound for life. 

They fuck us up for the rest of this lifetime and now the sick fucks have a word for something that never should have or should exist!!!

 I bet they're proud as hell of it....hell they probably tossed it out for the sheep to use. 
Laughing the entire time knowing the sheep won't do shit about it.

When will the pain end
When will others help 

Something I've finally given into is that because of shit I've gone through "if" I don't Stepford then I'm toooo much for anyone.  I'm growing tired of apologizing for be me...for having emotions. I've grown really tired of trying to find the calm within the storm. 

Sadly there's faaaaaaar too many of us saying the same shit.


Anyone who knows me knows that I truly believe we're borrowing Mother Earth and we're to give it back to our children. I also see a lot of truth in this statement...

“A life of privilege requires actions to balance the harm caused, and the greater the privilege, the greater the responsibility," "For if one does not leave behind a world better for having lived in it, all that remains are selfish ends, sometimes wrapped in family or nation.”

(David Buckel) 

 Unfortunately what I'm seeing in "what" he did isn't truth...it's Darkness. He set himself on fire with fossil fuel to show what we're doing to ourselves and the planet. 


There's some serious dark shit walkin this world now. I know I've been having to shake shit off like Horse shakes off flies. But if nothing else if one is open to learning from there's growth.

Saturday, April 14, 2018


I got knocked off balance and now the search begins as to why.

The how of I know...in fact that's the easy part. Lost all but my Daughter as far as family, my Ex committed Suicide (and trust me there's a lot to that one), I've been dealing with my daughters Depression and Anxiety as well as my own medical issues, we've had the Flu 3 fuckin times this season etc.

Combined basically it's knocked my ass down. Getting up tho is a bitch. 
I'm Emotionally, Mentally, Physically and Spiritually just fuckin tired.

I don't trust...kinda need that. 
Unfortunately I'm trusting people when I shouldn't. 
 
Tired of feeling used...
I'm always willing to give but I thought things were suppose to flow both ways.
 
I've become resentful of many things and people...
it's hard to watch others receive when you're denied 
 
I've done stupid shit that I know I shouldn't have but did because I had a false sense of security.

That last one is fuckin funny seeing as I've never felt it...so how the hell would I know what it looked like?



So what's the lesson? Stay the fuck down and like it?

I'm a strong bitch but I'm also a tired one who truly just wants to curl up in someones lap and rest.

Anybody seen a Giant, or Bigfoot or something of that kind? Maybe they'd be safe for me
My Bucket List for this Summer


Get outside and enjoy Mother Earth
(less time in front of this thing...too much bs)

Find a new home
(one that makes both my daughter and myself feel safe and happy)

Figure a way to get off these damn Meds
(looks like a fuckin pharmacy in here...costs as much too) 

Figure out a couple things
(probably shouldn't but I need to)


And...
I know there's more but that's it for now 

Oh one more...see movies with the Kids

Friday, March 23, 2018


Why?  Just Why?

If someone tells you they've bought something...why do you then go out and buy it?

Is there a need to take away the gifting ability from the person who bought it? Is there a need to be the "one" who bought it?

Why?

 I seriously just don't fuckin understand people now. I once did, but then again I think they were once more alive once upon a time.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018


Something's been bothering me lately and I wish I knew the answer. I know it's there I can feel it, there's a deeper meaning but I just can't find it. 

Time, People, Events, etc are repeating. Many things cycle in life like say clothing styles, or decorating styles etc.. normally however it's things not necessarily moments that cycle. Recently however that's exactly what is repeating...and I don't understand. 

Possible Answers... 


There's an issue that wasn't addressed in that time that now needs to be. 

Normally if there's something that one has missed, yes the lesson will repeat but it will do so with what's available. It may include some of the same people, but those people will be grounded in the current time. A good example would be someone who consistently chooses a partner with a specific issue...say a drug habit. Yes they will always be with someone who has one, but that someone won't be the same age as the last, or live in the same place etc. The core lesson will be present but the people, event, time will have changed.



All things come back around, normal cycling...

Clothing styles will repeat, certain foods will come back...yes those examples are true. An example of that is a style of Heeled Clog that I wore back in the late 70's is once again in style. Certain things cycle around either because they're deemed Classics or they're an Expression of what's being felt in that time. Other things however won't because they are meant for that time period...say a Flapper dress or even more to what I'm talking about Prohibition and Gangsters. This example normally runs in 20 yr cycles.



There's been a reset of some kind.

This one bothers me...





Sunday, March 18, 2018


Respect...

Many things come to mind when you think of that word.

Aretha Franklin's...R.E.S.P.E.C.T

The act of showing thoughtfulness to another person due to (age, position, something they're doing or did, etc.).

And I even found this a part of the definition in the Urban Dic...

You must always behave in a respectful manner as this reflects on you, your character, integrity and values of who you are as a person.

The bitch to all of the above is that it seems those definitions are dying off quicker than the Mammoths froze. 

Now it's all about what a person can get from another...not give to another.

********************************************

Each and Every day I wonder just how in this age where everything is taking less and less time to happen...just how long it's going to be until Humanity is a passing thought.

Saturday, March 10, 2018


Wow we live in a fucked up and Backassward time. 

Instead of creating and getting behind a movement that would actually change a life (eating tends to do that)...



People would rather get behind a movement (caused and created) by rich people wearing clothing worth Thousands of Dollars




That last one hasn't a damn thing to do with 99% of the population....
but sadly the one at the top deals with a Great Many!

Friday, March 9, 2018




12,420

**********************************

Update...maybe???

A Date

12/04/20

Tuesday, March 6, 2018


This should be talked about just as Loudly and With Gun Control. 

( An answer based on half the information provides only half the answer)

 
“Dear Students,

I know you. I am a retired teacher of 24 years. I have taught you as 7th graders all the way through 12th grade. This is not a tweet or a text. It’s called a letter; lengthy and substantial. Do you really want to make a difference? Are you sincere about making your schools safe? Don’t walk out, read this instead. Walking out of school is easy compared to what this letter will challenge you to do.
First of all, put down your stupid phone. Look around you at your classmates. Do you see the kid over in the corner, alone? He could likely be our next shooter. He needs a friend. He needs you. Go and talk to him, befriend him. Chances are, he won’t be easy to like, but it’s mainly because no one has tried to like him. Ask him about him. Get to know him. He’s just like you in that respect; he wants someone to recognize him as a fellow human being but few people have ever given him the chance. You can.

Next, see that kid eating lunch all alone? He could likely be our next shooter. Invite him to eat lunch with you. Introduce him into your fold of friends. You’ll most likely catch a lot of flack from the friends you eat with because they don’t want him upsetting the balance of their social order. After all, who you hang out with is critical to your status, is it not? If status is important to you, don’t you think it’s important to him also? The only difference being that he has no status because generally, shooters have no friends. Are you serious about wanting to make your school safe? Invite him to your lunch table and challenge your friends to do something meaningful with thirty minutes of their lives each day.

Lastly, are you completely frustrated by that kid who always disrupts your class and is consistently sent to the principal’s office? He could likely be our next shooter. Do you know why he causes so much trouble? He initiates disruption because that’s the only thing he does that gets him attention, and even bad attention is better than the no attention he receives from you and your classmates. You secretly wish he would get kicked out of school or sent to the alternative disciplinary school so that he wouldn’t disrupt your classes anymore, that somehow, he would just disappear. Guess what? He already feels invisible in a school of thousands of classmates, you included. So, before he acts out in your next class, why don’t you tell him you’d be willing to help him with the assignment that was just given? Or why don’t you ask him to join your study group? If you really want to blow his mind, ask him for help on the assignment. He’s never been asked that. Ever.

If you’ve read this far, you probably really do care about the safety of your school. Don’t trust that walking out of school will bring an answer. Gun control or more laws is not, and will not, be the answer. You are the answer. Your greeting, your smile, your gentle human touch is the only thing that can change the world of a desperate classmate who may be contemplating something as horrendous as a school shooting. Look past yourself and look past your phone and look into the eyes of a student who no one else sees. Meet the gaze of a fellow human being desperate to make contact with anyone, even just one person. You. If you really feel the need to walk, walk toward that person. Your new friendship can relieve the heartache of one person and in doing so, possibly prevent the unjustifiable heartache of hundreds of lives in the future. I know you. I trust you. You are the answer.

And teachers, my fellow guardians of our youth, I know you too. I know the desire of wanting to make a difference in a young person’s life. I know the thrill of stepping in front of a classroom of students but simultaneously intimidated by the trust bestowed upon you. I also know the crushing, sometimes unbearable responsibility that your shoulders are asked to carry. But that’s why you got into teaching, because you have big shoulders. And a big heart. You’re overworked (I would add underpaid, but you didn’t get into teaching for the pay, so it needn’t be said), underappreciated and exhausted. May I add one more item to that list? You’re also a miracle waiting to happen in the life of your worst student. He could likely be our next shooter. The next time (and there’s always a next time) he’s ready to wreak havoc in your classroom, I challenge you to pull him aside and ask him if he’s ok, if there is something bothering him and is there anything you can do to help? Your genuine concern for him may be just the miracle he’s looking for. The miracle we’re all looking for. I know you. I trust you. You are the answer.

A former teacher who is as heartbroken as you and trusting you not to walk out on the real answer,
David (yes, teachers really do have first names) Blair

 *******************************************************************

 Thank You to:

This article (A Teacher Pens an Open Letter to Students Planning on Walking Out Over Gun Violencewas originally created and published by Waking Times and is published here under a Creative Commons license with attribution to DylanCharles and WakingTimes.com. It may be re-posted freely with proper attribution, author bio, and this copyright statement.

Monday, March 5, 2018



Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

Certain words are being put out into society that far far too many are soaking in and spitting out without even realizing it.

At the moment "Empowerment" is hot. 
Seriously...consider what it is that you believe is empowering you.

A Movie? 
Or maybe it's as simple as that word is being used over and over and your mind is being programmed to believe it. 

 A Hollywood Movement?
Consider the source of that movement...Hollywood creates Illusions. Actors/Actresses...Act. 
That's what their job and lives are all about.

The News maybe?
Watch more than one and again you'll hear literally the same script being read to you. I used that word "Script" intentionally as that's exactly what it is. 


Again...repeat a Lie often enough and it'll become the Truth. 

Wake the Fuck Up people. 
Empowerment, Strength, Self Worth/Esteem etc. come from

WITHIN

It will NEVER come from outside yourself or it's never truly YOURS


Saturday, February 24, 2018



I seem to have the most wanted truck ever. 
Every year at least once...someone comes to my house wanting to buy my truck. 

Honestly it gets kinda of creepy when they do this. 

Saturday, February 17, 2018


A new shooting and it comes with the same old mindset...

While I believe that Automatic weapons shouldn't be owned by civilians, I also believe the weapons are only half of the problem. Unfortunately it seems as if everyone wants to see the weapon alone.

Each and All of the individuals committing these crimes are Mentally Ill. Take away one weapon and they'll simply choose another. Why? Because the problem itself hasn't been addressed. 

We're in the year 2018 and we're still ignoring mental illness. 


Another aspect not properly addressed (though) proven is those charged with protecting and preventing a tragedy like this...ignored EVERY red flag shown to them. When you see and you choose to ignore...then

it tells me that they ALLOWED this to happen. 

Once again the question is...

WHY are they allowed to commit these tragedies.